just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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