i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
