just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
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