Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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