Sober January is a disaster.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
