no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
