you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
