she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
