I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
