Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
