You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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