two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
