checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
