can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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