Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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