Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
