Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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