After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
