I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
the condom got lost in my hair
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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