I want to stick my p in your. b.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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