Say something about gay babies.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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