if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
A bitchslap is in order.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
