I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I think I just shit out all my problems.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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