Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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