i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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