i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
