not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I need water and some morals
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
