C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
