I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
