Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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