Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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