Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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