I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
