I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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