I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
