My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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