When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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