As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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