my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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