nut hugger
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
