and next time when you feel me up, do it right
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
