dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
