He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
