This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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