I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
