BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
