my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
