I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
