Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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