We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
