problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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