New invention idea: vibrating tampons
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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