I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
