Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Randomize