omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I think my moral compass just broke
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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