So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize