so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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