Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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