I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
