just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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