I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
