I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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