She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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