2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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