All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
