I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
