I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
