did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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