Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
