That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
