Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize