dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
