She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
