Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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