i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
