I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
