I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
